out of habit

April 7th 2012
i  just left the mana concert. now in a hotel room with oil rig manny. laredo's behind me. what an awesome gig i got hired for. taking numbers, giving out headphones, and getting fourth row tickets, i could almost see his pores. not to mention the paycheck will be *sweetasfuck. i was able to pull off a ride and a host. sometimes the stars align and life gives in. matt and his brother were woderful hosts. good luck with your typo publishing editor and good luck with the marketing world. great people really, you deserve the best. on th a brighter future.  hitch hiking back from nowhere. cotulla, i've been at your exit before, see how long it takes to get there again.

look at me now

so this past couple of months have been pretty great. other than my little cousin lost the battle against cancer at the age of 9. horrific, but at least now he is in peace. ive been all over texas going to concerts and selling meat off a truck and working for SoBe during spring break. if that wasnt good enough, (a little bit of staying active, and a pay check) i received an email from josh @bandito films. they finally set a shoot schedule end of april to may 15. woohoo!! look at me now, im gettin paper. enough to get the fk outta town, outta the country, and finally doing some real traveling. im erupting with excitement.. everything is going to be alright after all. for the meantime, ill be fucking off doing whatever random bullsh to keep me busy... like hand out flyers for ziggyflairs hits on universities like UT austin n texas state san marcos

immobilized paralyzed

things arent as well as id like them to be. my transmission went out so that means im negative dollars. with no job, i have to make hundreds just to pay someone to fix it and be broke all over again. why do things have to be so difficult? i just want to GTFO of here. i mean seriously is that too much to ask for? im tangled in this web of misery, yet no one truely knows how bad it is. i keep telling myself i can break free, but can i? ive relied so much on others and lost my self respect that im incapable of anything. oh by the way, i put ads on my ziggyflairs blog. ADS. what would gunty from last year think of gunty now? he'd probably kick my ass! im nothing but a sell out. stupid google adsense. i was dreaming when i thought of the idea. i cant possibly gain a big enough following to support my travels. i just hate myself for procrastinating so long. i cant blame anyone else, its my own fault. i just want to chop my hair off go away for a while. away from humanity in general. I HATE BEING STUCK! GOD DAMN IT SHIT!

bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh shoot myself in the leg.

this is not a cry for attention, thats how the fuck ive been feeling since i stopped moving. now im stuck and i hate this shit. ive been unemployed for a long long time having no one to blame but myself. feeling like im going nowhere has brought me under the weather in a mental rainforest. i promised myself clear skies around the corner hopefully this forecast doesnt go to shit. ive told everybody im leaving again and yet im still fucking here, not any closer to my goal. i keep telling myself im "waiting" for a big network to take me on as their little bitch. like these corporate producers in sunglasses holding briefcases are going to come and stuff my pockets with cash and instantly transform my life in to a happy-land emporium. ugh. i guess sadness and anger are just as much a part of life as happiness and love. ive missed the thrill im most addicted to, is there an intervention for being a drifter? i could always give up on getting married and visiting friends in sweden, give the middle finger to the eastern europe, middle east, and head to alaska. why the fuck not right? why not just head south? as an absolute alternative to suicide, ill simply walk to central amercia. whats the risk? surely what does not kill you only makes you stronger. thats the new plan, either im going or im going. i can only wait so long.